204 Transcripts – 3SchemeQueens

Is this thing on?

Hey guys, how’s it going?

What’s going on?

What’s new?

Colleen, you’re off.

Where are you off to next?

New England again.

I’ll be, I’m gonna be road tripping to Kansas.

I am going to Nebraska.

We’re all gonna be in different spots.

It’ll be interesting.

Yeah, well, I will be, Kansas is not far from Nebraska.

Please, please, please, please use Atlas Obscura.

Okay.

Look up something fun for me.

Okay.

Maybe the giant paintballs out there.

In the meantime, while we’re gone, guys, here’s what you should do.

Don’t forget to check out our Facebook and Instagram pages at 3SchemeQueens.

That’s the number three SchemeQueens, all one word.

We’re also on Reddit, same username.

If you wanna check out our website, go to 3schemequeens.com, and you can find links to our social media accounts, our Buzzsprout page, all of our episodes, additional content, our contact page, and our discussion board, where you can engage with us and share any updates on the topics that we have discussed.

Let us know how we’re doing and what you wanna hear next.

There are also opportunities to financially support us.

There are links to buy us a cup of coffee, links to our recently updated merch store, and affiliate links.

And as always, if you choose not to financially support us, we appreciate the follows, the downloads, listens, the likes.

Kait.

What should the people do?

I’ll tell you what the people should do.

They should scroll on down, leave us a five-star review, leave us a comment, share us on their Instagrams and their other social media platforms.

Share us on the group chat and the family.

Just recommend us to a friend.

And yeah, we appreciate all the likes and the listens and all the things, guys.

So is it time for our drink check?

Yeah, drink check.

What are we drinking today?

Oh, this is a themed drink, guys.

I love a themed drink.

Because today we are traveling back in time.

Royal England.

I just cannot wait for this.

What are we drinking?

English tea.

Delish.

And you know what?

I even put a splash of milk in it to be authentic like the Brits.

I’m actually just going to ask what you put in your tea.

We’re drinking it on my grandmother’s china.

Oh, my goodness.

It is stunning.

She gave to me.

Oh, yeah.

I love it.

I like my tea with a splash of cream and a spoon full of honey.

All we are missing are like some little finger sammies.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Some like cream teas and cucumber.

Oh, my gosh.

I should have made some little cucumber snacks.

Tuna sandwich.

Guys, I’ve actually been to high tea.

Have you not been to high tea?

Oh, I’ve been to all the high teas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I go to high tea every year at Christmas.

Yeah, we have to go.

With my mom and my niece.

And, I mean, I’ve had high tea in South africa.

I’ve had high tea in England.

I’ve had, I hosted a high tea for Colleen, not this Colleen.

I am a high tea connoisseur, and I got to say, Kait, good choice.

Good choice, love.

I want to say that Megan gave me my little tea pot that I made it in.

Yeah, I love high tea.

Because when I had tea in South africa, that’s where I really learned about, like, loose tea is so much better.

Oh, so much more flavorful.

Please, I want some more.

Anyways, we’re drinking some tea, pour it in the ocean.

Yeah.

Pour it in the ocean.

Okay.

No taxation.

Oh, no taxation without representation.

I’m a Yankee.

Yeah.

Kait, tell us, what are we talking about?

Like I said, we’re drinking some high tea because we’re going back to England to talk about Queen Elizabeth I.

Not to be confused with the Queen Elizabeth that just passed away, RIP.

We’re talking about Queen Elizabeth today because, guys, did you know she could have been a man?

Yeah.

Interesting, right?

Why do we think she could have been a man?

Oh, that’s such a good question.

Let me answer this for you.

Okay.

Do we have an intro?

That was it.

That was my intro.

You guys know who Queen Elizabeth is.

Okay.

So let me tell you guys a little bit about Queen Elizabeth.

Queen Elizabeth I is the last of the Tudor monarchy in Old England.

She lived from 1533 to 1603, when she died, when she was 69 years old, and she reigned for 45 years in England.

She was the daughter of the infamous King Henry VIII.

You guys know who King Henry VIII is?

Yep.

With six wives?

Yep.

Wait, she was his daughter?

One of them.

She was his daughter.

Yeah, so King Henry VIII beheaded his wife, one of his wives.

She was known for being the virgin.

More than one.

More than one, right?

Yeah.

She was known for being the virgin queen because she never took a husband and instead pledged herself to the service of England.

And during her reign, she restored England to the Protestant Church.

She executed the Queen of the Scots, Mary Stewart, and led the country to defeat against the Spanish Armada.

But was Queen Elizabeth really the virgin queen?

Did she really die at the age of 69?

Or was it an imposter put forth to continue the Tudor dynasty?

I’m sorry, you just referenced Mary, Queen of Scots.

That’s who she executed?

Well, I’m familiar with her because of Rain.

Yeah, the TV show.

Yeah, I’ve never watched Rain either.

Oh, it’s a soap opera.

Yeah, yeah.

It was on the CW.

CW, yeah.

So in 1542, Princess Elizabeth was living at Overcourt House, which was outside of the Royal Palace in London, near the village of Bisley in the Cotswolds, which, side note, I really want to visit the Cotswolds.

I feel like you would love it.

Oh, I’ve seen a lot of TikToks for them.

It’s just like so quaint.

It’s so cute.

That’s like my favorite era, too.

Yeah.

Anyway, a plague had broken out across London and in a protective mood, the princess and her companions were told to seek refuge in this Overcourt House until it was safe for her to return.

But the conspiracy theory goes that Princess Elizabeth became sick with a fever as she approached nine years old and she ultimately died and panicking, the governess Lady Catherine buried her secretly on the grounds of Overcourt and after a hunt for a female to impersonate the late princess, Lady Catherine actually found a boy with red hair who looked impeccably like Elizabeth in the village of Bisley and chose him.

So, the legend goes that Lady Catherine was terrified of the infamous king, Henry VIII, which you know he was a little cry-cry, and didn’t want him to know that his daughter had died.

And so, from this day forth, this red-haired boy went on to become one of England’s most beloved monarchs, Queen Elizabeth I.

So, what do you guys think?

You believe it?

I mean, I don’t really buy it, but are there any?

Well, there’s no pictures.

They’re all paintings.

I mean, what benefit would they have of a little boy?

Well, it’s more about maintaining control of the monarchy.

You’re telling me they couldn’t have found a ginger girl?

Well, they were small village.

She was Lady Catherine, her governess was trying to desperately cover up the death, because she was afraid of King Henry.

So she found someone.

Oh, I just thought they all conspired to maintain control.

But this was all the governess covering her.

It’s part of based on the fact that King Henry killed literally all his wives.

I’d be terrified, too.

Yeah, I’d find a little kid, too.

Yeah.

Like you’d be done.

You’d be killed.

It was so sounding like you guys don’t know much about this.

And I just have never heard it.

So you sort of believe it.

I could I could see it.

Of course.

I mean, he killed everybody.

Yeah.

He probably he was crazy.

But and also I don’t believe he would know his own daughter.

Yeah, he had a lot of kids.

Yeah, but I can’t believe he would.

So if she fooled, if she, since I misinterpreted your initial summary, and I thought this was like all like, let’s keep the monarchy.

But if you’re telling me it was all for the governess to not get killed, then yeah, I mean, even if you can fool everyone else, you really can fool like the king.

Yeah.

I don’t know about that.

What I really want to know is where, like who started this?

Like where did HK arrive from?

I’m so happy you guys asked me that.

Oh, you’re welcome.

Yeah.

Okay.

I will talk about that in a little bit.

Okay.

But first, let’s talk about the Queen Elizabeth.

Did she have a nickname?

Not in anything that I read, but I personally would like to call her Bess.

Oh, because Lilibet came from one of them, too, right?

That’s why Harry.

Lilibet came from Elizabeth II.

Oh, it wasn’t her.

That was her own nickname.

Oh, okay.

Because he had a special bond.

Harry had a special bond with his late grandmother.

I lowkey like the name Lilibet.

Before he, you know, infected the entire royal family.

Team Kait over here.

Yeah, Team Kait.

Speaking of, have we seen her?

Yeah, she just finished her chemo.

Okay.

They released a whole video.

And it was like a kind of moving, beautiful.

It looked real and her hands looked normal, so not AI.

Okay.

All right.

But she looked sick.

Oh, I need to I need to Google it.

Yeah.

Okay.

It’s like her and the kids and William kind of like, she’s like plain and she’s a little voiceover.

So Queen Elizabeth was the daughter of King Henry VIII and second wife Anne Boleyn.

What do you think happened to his first wife?

Killed her.

What do you think, Maggie?

I mean, if I could think of the song.

He just he just divorced her.

He married like his ex, his brother’s wife after he passed.

This is the tutor.

It wasn’t cool to marry his brother’s wife.

OK, so that’s why he’s a divorcee.

He just had the first one.

He just like change a heart.

This is this move.

I mean, this is when the Protestant church was created, wasn’t it?

No, it’s not when the Protestant church was created.

It just the Protestant and like during her reign, she it was England was like Roman Catholic, and she brought back Protestantism.

I thought, oh, really?

She like married the two was created then because that’s how he was allowed to divorce her.

No, really?

So, yeah, I King Henry VIII reminds me a lot of like a Targaryen who just like thinks that, you know, he can just do whatever he wants and do it for the kingdom because he’s just like the best, you know?

Targaryen vibes.

Real Daemon.

I feel like he was the inspiration, wasn’t he?

I don’t know.

It gives me Mormon prophet vibes that like they do whatever they want and it’s okay because it’s well, it’s all for like God, the church and God.

And so, so any murder or anything?

Oh, yeah.

It doesn’t count because you were the all-powerful prophet and you’re doing it.

I mean, he does.

And nothing counts because he’s the king, right?

So he’s literally the law.

He could kill any of them.

And yeah, well, then he did.

I’m trying to think of the song right now because it’s a red gun.

Okay.

Anyway, Queen Elizabeth, she, I guess, as a princess, she was a serious child and she was actually schooled by like teachers and tutors that like typically would only school male heirs, but they chose to school her.

And then she was fluent in seven languages, which included English, Welsh, Greek, Latin, Spanish, French, and Italian.

That’s great.

And he was fluid and Latin.

Yeah.

I always wonder because people don’t speak Latin, right?

No, they just read.

Well, the old church would read in Latin.

Everything was like in Latin in the old church, right?

And yeah, she could read it.

You can go to a Latin mass now if you wanted to.

Yeah.

I thought people who took Latin in high school, like didn’t have to speak it.

Oh, I took Latin in high school.

Did you speak it?

You can speak it, but it’s mostly just written language.

You just like think of how smart I could be, you know?

I know the root of every word.

I was going to say, yeah, Latin really helped me with the SATs, you know?

And she also at the end of her life was learning how to speak German.

She’s a scholar.

Isn’t Latin like we don’t actually know how it sounds?

No, I don’t think so.

Because it’s a dead language.

And it’s all just like…

I don’t know, a lot of part of learning the language of Latin was learning the different sounds of it.

Interesting.

She knew a lot.

I know.

In researching, I was just like, this lady is just so cool.

So she was a prisoner during her half-sister, Queen Mary’s, the first reign.

That’s the one the show’s after, Lady Jane.

Guys, the show was actually good.

I’m sad it got canceled.

Yeah.

She’s the niece of Henry VIII.

Great niece, so she didn’t live in the same time.

So I was one generation off.

16 when she died, she’s older than 16 in the show.

How’d she die?

Oh, well, that’s so apparently she got…

Oh, the story is, so the show is like, what if she didn’t die?

Yeah.

But in real life, she was like appointed queen for like six days or something, right?

Yeah.

And then she was called a traitor.

Being a traitor because she took the throne.

And so she and her husband were executed.

Oh, Lord Dudley died with her, huh?

Oh, we’ll never know.

And then the successor was Mary I, your predecessor, Edward VI, successor of Mary I.

I don’t know.

Anyway, proceed.

This happened during Wyatt’s Rebellion, which was very unsuccessful.

And this was a short revolt of Sir Thomas Wyatt and his four friends.

He planned to mutiny the Queen Mary for her marriage to the Spanish King Philip II.

And he feared that this would end up in the return of England to the Catholic Church.

He was then hung in the 1544 for his crimes.

Queen Mary died from an unknown illness, though it is theorized to be cancer in 1558 at the age of 45.

And then Queen Elizabeth I ascended the throne in her stead and became Queen at 25 years old, which I just think is wild that she was 20 years younger than her sister.

Also, well, Henry VIII, you know, also got around.

Um, Henry VIII times, you know what I mean?

I don’t because I know nothing about.

Oh, my God.

You know, guys, we love period pieces.

I am surprised, but I wouldn’t say we know a lot based on this trying to figure out what generation is what.

But I’m surprised that cancer was like a thing.

Really?

I know.

No way they called it cancer back then.

No, they didn’t call it cancer.

But because it was like a fact, they’re like, they’re like, oh, yeah, she’s got the same.

Well, it’s like, you know, who was it that?

I cannot find Bridgerton, the Mad King.

What’s his name?

Oh, oh, God.

George.

Yeah, King George, who is also the king in in Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton.

Yeah, he was like he’s thought to have it.

I was like bipolar or like some sort of like grant schizophrenia, grandiosity.

Yeah, schizophrenia.

Yeah, yeah.

Just just eat some Egyptian mummies, you know, and get on with your day.

Literally dumb Brits.

So her accession was met with excitement.

She surrounded herself with wise men in her cabinet, including William Cecil and Francis Walsingham.

However, she continued to be the last one to make the decisions when it came to her court.

And though many suitors came forward, Queen Elizabeth I chose not to marry.

I’m going to say my theory.

She’s a lesbian.

Yeah.

It’s a common theory.

No, I just that was she a man?

No, she was a butch.

That’s often Colleen.

Let her be.

Yeah, probably what it was.

Never married, surrounded by men.

But she was trying to deny her identity.

But I also kind of feel like no, I mean, I kind of feel like you like you could.

I feel like it’d probably be pretty easy to be a lesbian back in the day, because like you don’t even sleep in the same room.

Yeah.

You just hook up with your maid.

Yeah, I guess.

But I just meant like, I feel like just because you’re married doesn’t mean you necessarily have to like.

I mean, the rumors are pretty like there’s like no rumors that like she didn’t take any lovers, like none.

Like you’re saying before the girls kept their mouth shut.

There were no rumors of lovers.

She was there was abstinent to your.

Yeah, that’s why she’s called the Virgin Queen.

That is what she’s called, because she never took any lovers.

She never had any men or she never got married.

Like that was that is the clean slate.

I know you want to think she’s a lesbian, but maybe sometimes people just are pure.

Or she’s really good at hiding it.

Do you think that…

She could have been asexual too.

Is this like where it came from then?

Like people were like, well, she didn’t have a man, then she must have been a man.

Okay, so yeah, so because she was so…

So look back at her.

She was basically set up for succession as she ascended the throne, right?

Her parents schooled her like in things that women did not usually learn at the time.

She said she, as soon as she got in, she surrounded herself with wise people of the time.

She led England against the Spanish Armada and won.

And because she was like so, you know, shrewd in court and, you know, she kind of brought Protestantism back to England, the Roman Catholics are the ones that started this rumor.

They said that, obviously, because she chose not to marry and she didn’t take any lovers and she didn’t, you know, mother any children, she was clearly a man.

And she was a man because nobody wanted it to get out, right?

She was often made fun of for her manly features and she was often critiqued again for her shrewd rule.

Surely a woman could not rule as successfully as a man.

There is no evidence that she took a lover, let alone marry, and that’s why the rumors started flying that she was a man.

So then did somebody go back and say, how did they just pick this random swap time?

That I think people, because she was hidden away and she got this fever and people started like theorizing like, oh, okay, so this is the time.

If there was any time that she could have been switched out, it would have been this time.

Yeah, so that was, that’s really it.

There’s like no part of the, you know, conspiracy theory that’s like actually real.

It’s just something that, you know, I think the Catholics were just mad, but she was involved with a scandal.

Yeah, okay.

So though she didn’t take many lovers, she had a very close companion named Robert Dudley.

He was the first Earl of-

Wait, wait, wait.

You just said something about it.

Dudley is who?

Lady Jane Grey Marys.

Yeah, the horse guy.

Yeah.

Well, whose horse is that?

It’s a little sci-fi sense that there’s some shape shifting.

Oh, okay.

Which, you know, is obviously not real.

But wait.

If they didn’t have that, I probably wouldn’t have got canceled.

Dudley.

In my opinion, the sci-fi.

The sci-fi, yeah.

Should have just kept it a period piece.

But that’s what made them that that was like the issue was that was.

Could she love a man who was a horse by night?

He was literally.

Horse by day.

It was literally like Shrek.

Like, you know, she’s like.

That is so corny.

Night turns into an ogre except during the day he turned into a horse.

That’s so weird.

What year are we talking about here?

1500s.

Yeah, 15, 1560s, maybe.

Okay, more.

Guilford Dudley.

She marries him.

Robert Dudley and Guilford Dudley were brothers.

Well, two of the 13 children of John Dudley, Earl of Warwick and Jane Guilford.

Look at that.

It all comes together.

All circle.

So Robert Dudley was one of her favorite people and one of Elizabeth’s leading state men.

He was involved with domestic and foreign politics.

And though there are rumors that she turned his hand down to marry, she was not romantic with him.

However, after the suspicious and untimely death of his wife, she became one of the prime suspects.

Interesting.

Yeah.

So his wife, Amy, suffered a broken neck or so, the coroner’s report said.

A casual broken neck.

It’s said that she fell down the stairs.

However, there were only eight steps that she fell down.

You can break a neck with eight steps.

However, when she was found, her bonnet was still sitting perfectly on her head.

They think and she died not of a broken neck.

Well, that’s what the coroner said.

It didn’t take long for the rumors to fly because Robert’s living chambers were like directly next to the queens and there was already like a lot of gossip.

Like, this is inappropriate.

This is too intimate.

Their rooms are too close to each other.

So the court was like disgruntled already about this relationship.

I would also argue, and I know we researched in the past, autopsies have been happening for millennia.

Yeah.

Right.

I don’t want to sound like Colleen and be like, no one was smart before.

Like, how good were these autopsies?

I mean, also, like, there’s no cameras, there’s no fingerprinting.

Like, it’s very easy to get it off the fur.

I’m sure that people were like death by too much sunshine.

I just feel like there was probably, like, weird cause of death, right?

Again, they were into weird diagnoses.

Yeah.

And they were just like, they’ve just bled them.

But they didn’t bleed out.

So, yeah, so it also seems suspicious that apparently on the day his wife died, Amy had sent her servants to a festival where it was taking place all day.

So, no witnesses.

What I would like to know is, did Amy send her ladies away?

So she could herself?

Or did like her husband send the ladies away?

Oh, yeah.

Like the queen, yes.

Just like gently suggested it.

Yeah, I want more information.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

Everyone wants more information about this.

And then there was also a rumor that in a letter to the Spanish ambassador, the queen’s secretary, William Cecil, I talked about him earlier, who’s part of her cabinet, wrote that he thought Robert and Elizabeth were scheming to kill Amy.

He allegedly claimed in the letter that the queen had informed Cecil that Amy was, quote, dead or nearly so, end quote.

However, despite all of these rumors, there is no evidence and it remains a mystery that has never been solved to this day.

It seems like if they were really behind this, they would have gotten married.

Yeah, I don’t really like maybe he was like super unhappy and she was like, you’re my guy, so we’re going to do this.

But like I also because like he was her favorite.

Like that is what is written about him.

He was her favorite favorite.

What?

Not sure if if we believe that there was some kind of affair happening here and she loved him.

Right.

Or even if we just believe she loved him.

Like it like what is her incentive to remain the Virgin Queen?

Like it seems like she probably it’s not fair, but probably actually would have gotten respect, right?

If she did her womanly duty, married the man, had some kids.

He would have become king and she would have lost her.

King consort.

Even then?

I think so.

Yeah, well, that’s like Dudley.

Game of Thrones.

And Lady Jane Grey.

Yeah.

Dudley wasn’t going to become the king.

That’s true.

I didn’t think about that.

Yeah, it’s King consort.

What was your reference?

There was something else.

Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon.

Yeah.

Raniera, the true queen.

Shout out to all my Hot D fans.

She had to have been hiding something else.

Like there had to have been something else going on.

Team Black.

Yeah, I don’t I don’t believe I have no evidence to prove she was a man disguised as a man.

Oh, yeah, I don’t think I do find your I find your rabbit whole murder mystery much more much more interesting, right?

This is why we like period pieces.

Welcome to the spot.

We like true crime.

And to check in all our boxes right now, I’m like, what was the drama in the court?

I know there’s so much drama.

Did you see her ankle?

Did he touch her hand?

Oh, my God.

And then clench his hand.

Oh, like in Pride and Prejudice.

Yeah, my favorite one.

That is actually that’s like the scene.

In Bridgerton too, he does that.

References the eight steps that she fell.

Interior step.

So not like wet or anything.

No.

How quickly did she die is what I want to know.

Well, they never apparently.

Somebody yanked her down this.

Somebody yeeted her.

Somebody mad.

But OK, so in rebuttal to Colleen’s, this is just like two more interesting facts.

In rebuttal to Colleen’s, she was a lesbian or was asexual.

She did almost marry.

Almost.

She nearly married Thomas Seymour.

He was the ex-husband of her father’s final wife, which was Catherine Parr.

I’m tracking here.

Also, though, I didn’t know there was quite so much divorce back then.

Yeah, me neither.

I think King Henry just did whatever he wanted.

Yeah, but this guy’s not the king, and he’s getting divorced.

Oh, but maybe if he wanted to marry her, or maybe he blessed the divorce so that…

Or he was widowed.

It doesn’t say what happened to his wife.

No, he said…

Ex-husband of her father’s…

Oh, yeah.

Ex-husband of her father’s…

So maybe the king was like, I grant a divorce because I want to marry.

He married two capitals, too.

To me, when I was reading this, I was like, he definitely was like, I want to marry your wife.

I’m going to pay you a lot of money.

And well, he married a lot of people.

Yeah, I know.

Catherine of Oregon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleve, Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr.

But she had to have been related to Jane Seymour.

No, I think that the problem, too, all these names, they all have the same names, and it’s hard to figure out who’s…

It’s like a ton, you know?

They all have their own…

And they’re all cousins, you know what I mean?

And then I can’t figure out…

Alabama blood run deep.

And like you said, these siblings are like 40 years apart, so trying to figure out which generation is which generation is very confusing.

Anyway, the King Henry said nope, and he executed this guy.

He was like, you are not marrying my daughter.

Oh yeah, we got distracted with the story.

Okay.

Well, maybe she…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah.

So to summarize, Henry says, I want to marry your wife, yeah, so whatever.

I’ll pay you, I’ll grant a divorce, whatever.

And then he’s like, that’s cool, because I want to marry your daughter.

And Henry’s like, no, no.

Yeah, you’re done.

And then he yeeted his head.

Oh, my gosh.

Maybe Elizabeth was just too much of like a daddy’s girl and like could never marry because of Henry.

Like, it sounds like the theme is Henry.

Maybe she was traumatized.

She’s a child of divorce.

Divorce.

He killed every spouse.

Yeah, I feel like I’d be like, wait, this is how a husband can treat you.

Yeah.

I’m not trying to get killed because I can’t provide a child.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, that’d be enough.

I think if my dad was Henry VIII, that would be enough for me to be like, I think I’m good being the 40-year-old version.

I wouldn’t say 40-year-old, but I think I’m good just being a spinster.

Yeah.

So that was the closest she ever married.

I think that was like, there was nothing that said she didn’t want to marry him.

And that one, Philip II of Spain, which was her late sister’s Mary’s husband after Mary died, proposed to Elizabeth.

Oh, my God.

So all the people around her were just in love with her.

Yeah.

Or at least wanted to be the king consort.

Yeah, they wanted to be the king consort.

She sounds uninteresting, though, other than the language thing.

Are you kidding me?

She’s so interesting.

She maybe just murdered her lover’s wife.

That’s true.

She was like, she was smart.

She brought a whole religion.

You’re right.

Sorry.

Uninteresting?

I don’t know.

I am pro Queen Elizabeth I.

And anyway, so, he, they, like, Mary and Philip were cousins.

That was just, that’s just like a fun fact.

And Elizabeth.

There was someone who wanted to marry her?

And then he wanted to marry.

So Mary was her sister.

She died.

And he was like, wow, we can get married.

And she said no.

She was like, no, I’m not doing that.

So he was her cousin too, then?

Well, no, because they were half siblings.

Mary was a half-sibling.

There’s some…

Yeah, very confusing.

King Henry, you know, the ace.

He’s just, you know, taking all the wives.

You’re going to have to post to Instagram a…

We need like a tour of the family tree.

The family tree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It’s very confusing.

Arrows connecting nieces, uncles, cousins and wives.

Again, it’s just giving like Targaryen, especially between like all the cousins and the siblings.

And, you know, they wanted to keep the dragon blood pure.

Anyway, that’s it.

So that’s all we got.

That’s all she wrote about.

Well, there’s much more about Queen Elizabeth.

She’s so interesting, but she is she.

She did end the Tudor reign in Old England.

So, yeah.

So she died, you said, at a ripe old age, 69.

You know what?

She’s probably like, I ain’t got to worried about.

Yeah, pretty old for that time.

1500.

Did not even worry about no man.

Triple the lifespan of an Egyptian, you know?

Whoa.

And what happened after her?

Then then who became the Tudor reign?

Because it goes from Henry’s reign to James Tudor to James Stuart, which then starts the Stuart tree, which then starts the Hanover tree.

OK, which then goes to the Windsor.

OK, so in 1603, James VI succeeded to the English throne after the death of his cousin, Elizabeth I, who had no direct heirs.

As the new James I of England, he rode south and was to spend almost the entire life in England based at Whitehall.

He is thus known as James VI and the I.

And then it goes to the Stuart tree.

And the first, that’s again, can we get?

Oh, he’s from Scotland.

Can we get a little more confusing?

So apparently James VI was Elizabeth I’s cousin twice removed, whatever the heck that means.

Of any relation to Mary Queen of Scott, we don’t know.

Is Mary Queen of Scott Mary Stuart?

Yes, S-T-U-A-S.

It’s his mom.

Oh, oh, that’s kind of karma.

So she kills.

He says that right there was the son of Mary Queen.

So she kills his mom.

Yeah.

Well, and she does.

And yeah, but they’re like, see, nine jokes on you or I’m her.

Oh, and now and then it goes James Charles.

Charles William George, the one from the Revolutionary War, Georgie, you’ll be back that one.

Yeah.

Time will tell, and you’ll remember that I served you well.

But you guys, if you look up the Windsor tree, which is like our current royalty or whatever, like the queen who just died.

We’re current royalty, it’s not ours, it’s England’s.

Well, you know, our stepmoms.

Current royalty.

She is so she was so freaking old.

She was like, isn’t she the oldest reigning monarch?

Yeah, and her parents were old.

So there’s really like not much.

How could her parents be old?

Because she was 24 when she took over as queen, didn’t her dad die young?

Well, they had her old.

Do you know what I mean?

Like there’s not much royal crowns being passed between the two of them compared to like up here where there’s like four.

Yeah, also back then there was like no medicine.

Yeah, people live longer.

Queen Elizabeth I dad had a lot of health issues.

He had a pneumonectomy.

Well, he still reigned for a while, 1895 to 1952.

Or he lived that long?

18 what?

He lived, excuse me, I don’t know how long he reigned for, lived from 1895 to 1952.

That’s not that long.

It’s like 60 years.

And she did 1926 to 1922.

She took over before he died?

No, that’s when she was born was 26.

Yes.

Okay, we’re really mixing up.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Coronation dates and birth date.

Coronation day?

There’s a lot of drama.

I read about it.

Do you watch The Crown?

You guys watch The Crown?

I have not watched The Crown.

I watched like once.

The Crown makes it make so much more sense.

What I got away from The Crown is that Prince Philip-

Based on truth.

Prince Philip was maybe not quite as nice to-

Prince Philip was awful.

Vampire.

Thumbs out as being such a supportive husband, but on The Crown, not so much.

I also heard Megan Markle.

This is just an Instagram.

So no proof proof, okay?

But that apparently the casting director claims that Meghan Markle is constantly reaching out asking to play herself on The Crown.

Of course she is.

I’m not surprised.

Like if that is true, I’m not surprised.

Then she also makes statements about only ever wanting to be a mom.

Well, yeah, it’s not what she would.

Manipulation.

Yeah, she’s a actress.

She knows how to manipulate.

She knows how to manipulate Harry, you know?

I just keep thinking about-

You mean the son who was writing about his penis?

You know, I just keep thinking about-

He had problems, guys.

It’s not Meghan’s.

Megan didn’t start his problems.

But Harry, William and Kait were biffles.

And then I think about this too that like-

Oh, you mean William, the man who cheats?

Okay.

But listen.

None of them are perfect.

Kait just went through hemotherapy for nine months for cancer.

I feel like if anything’s enough to be like, let’s meet and try to work through these issues.

Yeah.

It would be like someone you were very close to.

Well, your family member for decades.

You choose to go no contact.

That’s a huge thing, right?

So I don’t know.

I’m sure there’s more to it.

Yeah.

You know what there is to it?

His manipulative wife.

Did you watch the Netflix special?

The one where he talked about his penis?

No, that’s the book.

But then there was a Netflix special that they did to make all this money.

And she was so annoying in it.

That’s where she made fun of having to bow to the queen, first of all, and he looked so uncomfortable.

That was like the famous clip.

And then there’s a scene where like, he’s like, oh, my brother just texted me.

And she’s like, listen, it’s your family.

I wouldn’t talk to him.

She’s like just so obnoxious about the whole thing.

And then that’s when she also goes like, oh, Beyonce just texted me.

And then people were like, Beyonce doesn’t even know Megan.

We are team.

We’re team Megan.

I’m team Megan.

The two of you are team Megan.

Oh yeah, sorry.

You’re team Kait.

Yeah.

I don’t understand why you’re team Megan.

Because she’s of the generation where it’s like, somebody’s feeling for her.

They are very racist.

The country and like the public and how they write about Megan is very fucked up.

Anyhow.

All right, take away.

So Colleen, are you buying it?

Not a man.

Maybe a lesbian.

Did she side side thought?

Did she murder her lover?

Somebody murdered that lady.

I think I think if I’m going to say anybody, it was probably the husband.

He probably murdered her.

He’s probably just in love with Queen Elizabeth.

It was like, I just can’t deal with this lady anymore.

She was probably, you know, on to him and causing all this trouble.

And he was probably like, you know what?

I’m done with you, lady.

I’ll push you down the stairs.

He was probably like, send your servants away.

I’ll come to you and you’re going to go downstairs.

Yeah.

Poor, poor Elizabeth then.

Now, you know, hundreds of years later, taking the blame for, I know, maybe murdering the Virgin Queen.

Yeah.

She had to live her life.

Yeah.

I don’t know.

I think she’s just too smart.

Like I think she got away with things without people even realizing she was so smart.

This is just like Colleen.

Except when Colleen said she was boring.

It’s just like when Colleen said, I don’t know who Tupac is, but I bet he would be a theater kid.

And now you’re like, we don’t know who Queen Elizabeth I is, but you had a real firm opinion for someone who didn’t know anything about Queen Elizabeth.

I mean, there was also like no cameras.

Yeah, but people, you know, there was gossip.

Gossip was real back then.

I know, but I do think about even like in the 70s, like the Golden State killer, he was just getting away with it.

And that was only 50 years ago, a long time.

Or we think about the British one, Jack the Ripper.

That wasn’t that long, what, 100 years ago?

Is that right?

You can get away with stuff.

Yeah.

Murder, sex.

Rock and roll.

Drugs.

All right, well, that was an interesting, lighthearted one.

Thank you, Kait.

What should everyone do?

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