135 Transcript – 3SchemeQueens

Welcome.

Welcome, it’s only the 2SchemeQueens today, not the 3, because you know what?

Colleen is out searching for eel testicles.

I cannot wait to hear what she finds in the Bermuda Triangle.

But Kait, you just got back from…

Atlanta?

Atlanta, yeah.

Can you tell us where it was?

Well, it’s where I suspected it was, it was off the coast of Greece.

Not off the coast of Georgia?

No, not off the coast of Georgia.

It’s beautiful.

They have some temples for Athena there.

Any evidence of extraterrestrial life down there?

Oh yeah, definitely, definitely.

There’s some eels down there.

There’s some light underneath.

Yeah.

Created for, I don’t know what.

What creates light in the ocean?

I don’t know.

Yeah, I don’t know.

It’s a mystery.

Yeah.

So I was there on the coast, and then I had this weird dream.

I was being captured by somebody, and then they spoke to me in English, Megan.

Did they warn you about the future?

Yes.

They told me all about the future and who’s gonna win this election.

And they also said, Kait, be careful about the food they put in your body because cancer.

And I said, I’m on top of this, my friends.

Also deodorant.

Also, our phones are little boxes of radiation.

And then I woke up with 100 needle marks all over my body.

Ooh, it was wild.

I do wanna say that as I was preparing a reel about Phil Alberto, he was pretty extensively studied, and it sounds like some of his predictions came true.

And he had psychologists, physicians, scientists, and they were not able to explain away.

He did not have a psych…

He didn’t have a brain tumor or something.

Oh, my gosh.

He wasn’t high on acid.

No.

He was stone cold sober.

I mean, these professionals seemed to…

Again, I wouldn’t say they validated, but they could not invalidate his experience.

You think Colleen’s finding the testicles on the heels?

I’m interested to see if she finds some wreckage down there, maybe the Flight 19.

Are there some extraterrestrials down there?

I mean, what is four miles deep in the ocean?

Yeah.

You know?

Definitely not the moon.

Not the moon.

Vertical?

Vertical.

Double down.

I am not that far off.

Vertical, four miles.

Look it up.

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Kait, what should the people do after this episode?

Oh, yeah.

Bourbon Boy made fun of me for this the other day.

Because you sound a little Valley girl when you do it?

Scroll on down.

I just told Megan.

She said, when I went off to college, I said, I’m not drinking any of that girly shit.

I’m drinking red wine and bourbon.

And that’s what I drink.

And I’m just picturing Kait at Clemson with the Cab Sauve in the Franzia box at the parties.

I’m like, were you at the bar ordering your red wine?

It was Yellowtail, so cheap, at the Ballot.

And then the whiskey and ginger is at the bars.

Good stuff.

Before she switched to a?

Mick Ultra.

Mick Ultra, when she didn’t want to drink anymore and she just wanted to have something in her hands.

She was a real responsible drinker at the age of 21.

I just would carry around a Mick Ultra, a warm Mick Ultra.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, Kait.

Listen, I didn’t drink it.

I carried it around.

You know who does love a Mick Ultra?

Colleen.

I hope she’s drinking some on her boat in the Bermuda Triangle right now.

I hope she doesn’t die.

I didn’t even think about that.

Oh no, I know.

Come back, Colleen.

I know.

Send us an SOS.

So is it time for our drink check?

You know, we’ve had a lot of lemonades this summer on our drink check, and I’m having another one.

Summer lemonade.

Yeah, I mean, I made, I had some fresh lemonade, lemon juice, water, sugar, and I made my own sweet tea vodka.

Just put the tea bags in the vodka and then add a little simple syrup.

So I mixed together a little Arnold Palmer, got some mint from the garden.

Oh, delicious.

Let me tell you, Megan really knows how to homestead.

I’m telling you.

Look at this girl making her own sweet tea vodka and some mint from the garden I got here.

Well, mint’s not really a flex.

Mint is so invasive.

Mint will just flourish.

But you know what, I got here, and Megan knows that I do like a good snacky.

I don’t like to be hungry.

I’m a whole different, I am the definition of, here’s the Snickers, you’re not you when you’re hungry.

We don’t like Kait when she’s hungry.

No, yeah.

And the problem is it happens every three hours.

Except pretty much every time Kait and I have ever had a disagreement, then she eats and we’re both like, I’m sorry, we’re good.

Or that time Burpin Boy and I had an argument, and I came back and I said, I’m sorry.

And he said, were you just hungry?

But anyway, Megan had some home grown celery, which was delicious.

You know, I’m not a celery gal, but this had some flavor.

It was tiny.

It’s a little small, but it tastes good.

No GMOs.

Yeah.

I was making myself a little caprese salad.

I got some basil.

My tomato and cucumber plants are flourishing.

If you guys want a wife who really knows how to garden, make some crocheted blankets, making some homemade alcoholic beverages and some ice cold lemonade after you come in from work, Megan’s your gal.

I’m single, guys.

Yeah, I’m ready to survive the apocalypse.

Also, mermaid girl and Kait love their water, and I am chronically dehydrated.

Now we tell them I’m ready for the apocalypse, and they say, creatinine of 0.5 over here, guys.

My creatinine is perfect, guys.

I’m just preparing my body, but Kait and mermaid girl say they don’t want to survive in a world without water.

They don’t want to survive in a world with a water shortage.

It’s Kait’s biggest fear, actually.

Yeah, legitimately big fear, and also, what’s the point in living, you know?

Except for my kids, I guess I live for my kids.

Speaking of your kids, what’s Joey’s favorite animal?

Joey loves a koala, but she also loves a dolphin.

I was never a dolphin girl.

I was a big panda and koala girl.

You know that that one panda in China at the zoo looked fake.

I don’t know which zoo it is, because China is a very big place.

But everyone was theorizing it was a human in a panda suit.

I was a horse.

I liked horses.

You were a horse girl?

Horse?

Well, let’s be clear, I never had a horse.

I never rode horses, but I did love horses.

I still love horses.

I was a killer whale girl and a dolphin girl.

I love me some dolphins.

I might have to swim with the dolphins.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I think this episode, may or may not change your mind, that’s going to be…

It’s not much of a conspiracy theory.

It’s a lot of the mysteries around dolphins we’ll talk about.

So, I guess that will really be our conversation, is whether or not you are still a dolphin girl at the end of this.

Love me some dolphins.

So…

Have we already told everyone?

By the way, Joey does the best dolphin impression, but the pitch is so high, it doesn’t register on the microphone.

It’s like a real dolphin.

Yeah.

People have long been intrigued by dolphins, likely in part due to their intelligence.

These highly social creatures have demonstrated cooperative behaviors and are known to be playful and interactive with other species, including humans.

Perhaps those traits, in combination with their mythologic past, symbolizing joy and transformation, have made them a fascination to humans.

But should people really be swimming and interacting with dolphins for pleasure, both in captivity and in the wild?

Expecting mothers in particular have sought them out for the idea that dolphins can stimulate brain growth in fetuses by squeaking at them, and that dolphins can detect fetal heart tones utilizing echolocation.

There are people who actually pay to give birth surrounded by dolphins.

No.

But what if I told you that dolphins could potentially be more dangerous than sharks?

What?

Sometimes, killing for sport.

As one of the few species who mate for pleasure, not just procreation, groups of male dolphins have been known to assault a female dolphin violently and repetitively.

There have been humans who have claimed to have had affairs with dolphins, but potentially more terrifying are the videos depicting dolphins attacking innocent bystanders, including swimmers and divers.

What is the truth about the dolphins?

Are they actually violent animals being utilized as weapons by multiple national militaries?

We know that there was an MK-ultrastyle study done on dolphins in the last century, but what classified projects involving dolphins are currently in progress by our US military?

And for the last century, how have they been aiding us in our search for extraterrestrial life?

Oh!

Today we are talking to all of the mysteries and concealed truths of what many consider to be one of the smartest species on Earth, second only to humans.

You were surprised when I mentioned the fetal heart tones.

Yeah, apparently they can like detect, dolphins can like detect people who are pregnant before they know.

Creepy.

The reason that dolphins are even being covered is that I am known within my social group as, you know, having some feelings about dolphins.

Yeah.

I remember reading like 15 years ago about dolphin rape.

Right.

And let me clarify also for the listeners that the term dolphin rape gets people very fired up.

Yes, they do.

Because do dolphins really, you know, follow the rules of humans, the laws of humans?

No.

Do they really comprehend right from wrong?

We don’t know.

We don’t accuse a dog of sexually assaulting a human because they hump our leg, right?

Even though Tanner was sexually assaulted, let’s say.

Tanner was sexually assaulted by another dog, and I stand by that.

It was traumatic, probably more traumatic for me than for him.

Yeah.

So I’m not trying to diminish anybody who was a victim of sexual assault here, right?

We support you all.

But I would say when you go online, there’s petitions to get rid of the terms, like dolphin rape cave, and people are like, it’s not rape.

Even if a dolphin mounts a human against their will, that is not rape because dolphins don’t know any better.

So I’m using the term rape.

They don’t know any better?

They’re very smart.

Yeah, apparently they’re potentially smarter than humans.

Yeah.

That’s my little disclaimer.

Don’t come for me.

They like have sex for pleasure.

They’re one of the few animals that actually can climax.

I didn’t realize that most animals don’t, but it’s like not pleasurable, I think.

My interpretation, that’s why I was like, well, wait, if everyone’s, first of all, what is their motivation?

What is like their biologic drive that’s like procreate?

I thought it was like, this feels good, and then a baby comes, right?

So are other people just like ejaculating and not, but it’s, and they’re just like, okay.

I guess this is done.

I don’t know.

But then how do they know it’s done?

I don’t know.

We’ve already digressed.

I digress.

So anyway, what I remember reading like 15 years ago is that there are like 14 dolphin, quote, rapes per year.

And that we thought this was probably actually an underestimation because people were like embarrassed not reporting them or some of us were like going missing and never being found.

And so they weren’t counting.

And they were like, and they have these rape caves where like they pull humans under water and they assault them.

And then we just find these bodies.

I’m going to talk a little bit about the violence.

And I think some of this might stem from some truth.

But it’s just a kernel of truth.

So trying to research this episode, after 15 years, I finally discovered there is no evidence of these rape caves.

You’re so adamant about all…

I still maintain, I still, after I go through this, I still maintain my stance that dolphins are terrifying violent creatures.

That has not changed.

I just can no longer cite this fact of there are rape caves and they are raping humans potentially 30 times a year.

Oh my goodness.

What I think, best I can tell, because every reference I could find online to these rape caves that people were like, no, it’s true, went to this YouTube video that I thought was poorly made.

It looks like a child probably made it.

So I see no actual factual evidence.

Okay.

Doesn’t pass the vibe check for Megan, which means it’s probably not real.

Correct.

Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

Where it started.

There was a video that talked about how male dolphins swimming in packs of 8 to 20 will take swimmers, divers and surfers and drag them down with their dicks because…

They have opposable penis.

Not opposable is not the right term.

That’s the term I use.

The term is, the scientific term is actually prehensile.

Is it like an elephant penis?

Like, have you seen the elephants like scratch their underbellies with their penises?

They do that.

No, but it sounds similar.

They’re able to twist and move and utilize it.

So theoretically, people were like…

It’s like another limb?

Yes, they would twist their penis around a leg and pull you underwater.

Yeah, terrifying.

Yeah, I’m not sure that that’s actually the method they’re using.

I think they are probably headbutting, ramming, push people under.

There was this initial video that I think is where this came from, like 2011, 2012 or so.

It says that male dolphin sweet impacts of 8 to 20 will take swimmers, divers or surfers and drag them down with their prehensile penises and gang-rape them.

And after they had kidnapped a 37-year-old woman, scientists put a bunch of dummies in the ocean near one of the infamous raping packs.

They put trackers on the 14 dummies.

Wait, hold on.

I do want to say, if dolphins can use echolocation to discover fetal heart rates, can they not use echolocation for…

Realize this is a dummy?

Yeah, they know it’s a dummy.

Oh, girl.

Okay, look at this fact checker out here.

And so they claim that all 14 of these dummies went missing, and when they tracked them, they led them to these underwater caves where they found the dummies with evidence of penetration and torn clothing and injuries, and that there were also corpses down there that also had appeared to have been attacked.

Okay.

If 15 years ago I had really done a deep dive on this, I would have looked at this video and been like, this is the source that has perpetuated all of this, and I would have not believed it.

Okay.

But for 15 years…

You believed it.

I believed it.

Yeah.

Well, stark earliest memories that I have of you yelling at me about dolphins.

So I’m still going to be yelling at you about dolphins, though.

I just will not talk about the rape caves anymore.

For anyone who’s unfamiliar, that’s what prompted this deep dive for me into dolphins.

So let’s give you some dolphin facts because Kait’s already asking about the fact.

There are more than 40 species of dolphins.

They first appeared 50 million years ago.

And like the whales, they walked on land.

Right.

Dolphins have been here millions of years longer than humans.

Humans, by contrast, didn’t even begin walking upright until about 5 million years ago.

And our skulls were less than half the size they are now.

So the skull size is important because the Natural History Museum claims that mammals have evolved to have larger brains, meaning that the brains of animals millions of years ago were quite small.

So as the species have evolved, our brains, the species that are surviving, their brains are naturally getting larger, which they’re kind of attributed to like larger brain equals smarter.

Dolphins, however, have always had large brains.

In fact, their brains have actually decreased in size over time.

And based on that, that’s why they have decided that that’s what started this whole theory that dolphins and humans are probably the most intelligent species in the animal kingdom.

Yeah.

So I was trying to get specific statistics, because also what I’ve always heard, and I’m still going to maintain this stance, is that dolphin attacks are more common than shark attacks.

Oh.

Which again is misleading because we all think…

This has been vetted.

I don’t have actual statistics.

Okay, we don’t have proof proof.

No proof proof.

Okay.

But I’m going to tell you some stories, and I’m still going to kind of believe it.

And I think the difference too, is that sharks…

Sharks are scarier.

Well, that’s a thing.

I mean, we just had shark week.

That’s what we all grew up being like, fearing the sharks in the ocean.

I still fear the sharks of the ocean, to be clear.

I mean, I feel like people yell shark in an ocean, probably everyone comes running and screaming.

People yell dolphin in an ocean, probably some idiot’s trying to swim with them.

I love seeing the dolphins in the ocean.

The little fins that come up out of the water, are you like, I’m out, I’m gonna head out?

But the difference is that, so sharks, when sharks attack, it’s because they feel threatened, right?

It’s like everything.

Other animals who attack, animals attack for a number of reasons.

It’s like they feel threatened, or for food.

Yeah, they’re hungry.

Dolphins are like one of the only species that are like emotionally driven.

So they will, they will kill an animal, and then just leave it, like not eat it, right?

They will, if they’re like sociopathic.

Well, I think if they’re really as similar to humans as the scientists think, then it’s also like they’re probably like humans, like there’s probably a spectrum, right?

There’s probably like evil dolphins and nice dolphins.

Right.

So dolphins weigh at minimum twice as much as the average human, but they can weigh up to a thousand pounds.

They could swim 15 to 25 miles per hour, but can reach speeds of up to 40 miles per hour.

So can you imagine a 1,000-pound dolphin just ramming you at 40 miles per hour?

You die.

Yeah.

Well, people have died.

Yeah.

Violence.

They’re one of the few breeds that will kill for sport, not just feeding.

They have seen dolphin corpses wash ashore with spinal deformities and trauma, indicating that they think other dolphins have killed them.

Bullies.

Dolphins can stay awake for five days straight because they have two sides of their brain, and they’ll turn off one brain, one side of the brain, and use the other, and then it’ll switch.

So they can stay awake for up to five days, and then they don’t need, like, if we stay up for a long period of time, we, like, crash, right?

They don’t do that.

They don’t need a nap to recover.

What?

So they can just possibly be awake hunting, you know?

Maybe that’s why.

Maybe they get a little delirious, Megan.

And then they’re like…

Well, they also like to play with these puffer fish.

Oh.

So I’m going to talk briefly about the studies…

The puffer fish that are poisonous?

You know, because puffer fish are poisonous.

Yes, exactly.

So I’m going to talk about some of the studies that humans have done where they’ve tried to give LSD and drugs to these dolphins, and they don’t feel like the dolphins seem to respond the same way as humans.

But they do know dolphins will take these toxic puffer fish and they will use a beach ball to play with to pass it back and forth.

And when a puffer fish is being threatened, feeling threatened, it releases this dangerous substance that then dolphins ingest, and it puts them in this trance, and they said it makes them look high, and they think that they’re high.

There was some dolphin who was like, they assumed high, and they had, he was like looking at his reflection, and he was just like staring at his reflection for hours.

It’s like, yeah, we think they can get high.

Bro.

Yeah, you know what I could go for right now?

Some Captain Grunge cereal.

Dolphin on dolphin vibes, okay?

So male dolphins will team up.

Wait, hold on.

I do want to go back to the fact that they like to play with the puffer fishes and they get high.

They probably know, they’re like, yo, you know who’s got a puffer fish right now?

And then they’re like, Petey.

Yeah.

And they’re like, let’s go play.

Yeah.

You’re probably right.

If they’re this intelligent, then they know.

Yeah.

They know exactly what, and then somehow, they are like talking to the other dolphins and saying, find you a puffer fish, man.

Yeah.

Trafficking the puffer fish.

Yeah.

So male dolphins will team up, and they will herd the female dolphin away from the pod.

And then, with their half-ton body going 40 miles per hour, they will beat the female into submission until they get to have their way with them.

Then all of the men take a turn.

Oh.

And this can go on for days.

What?

Yes.

That’s awful.

Yep.

Berymphalegists have also observed males killing other infants within the pod to make sure that their offspring are more likely to survive.

Wow.

But you know what?

A lot, that happens a lot in the animal kingdom.

Lions, male lions will try and kill the cubs.

It does happen a lot.

Males do actually attack the young.

Yeah.

Hyenas, they’re another one.

Monkeys, they’ll rip each other apart.

They’re just…

It is a dog eat dog world out there, you know?

But you know, it’s not okay that they’re gang banging.

No.

That’s not okay.

No.

But I guess that’s what some of these scientists…

Justice for the female dolphin.

Right.

So some of these scientists are like, you know what, we can’t judge their mating rituals and what they do is not what we do, you know?

Are the females just so upset while they’re doing this?

Because that would just kill me.

Yeah, I mean, it sounds like they’re trying to get away until it’s like they just can’t.

And then they just…

I’ll tell you how they’ve adapted.

They have a corkscrew vagina.

I’ll tell you about it.

But I guess that gets to like, these are also scientists like, dolphins are just like one of the most sexual species.

I don’t really understand, I guess, how other species mate.

I didn’t know that you could mate without like gratification.

That’s why it was like a baser instinct.

Apparently, most species do not get sexual gratification out of mating.

It’s like purely appropriation.

It’s just a job that they do.

Right.

But apparently dolphins do experience quite a bit of pleasure.

In fact, there is video evidence of dolphins using live, wriggling eels to wrap around their genitals and pleasure themselves.

So like masturbating.

Yeah.

Dolphin porn.

Cause they don’t have arms.

Yeah.

They also will make their own fleshlights by ripping the heads off a fish.

Ew.

They have video evidence of this.

There were some rumors that they might also pleasure themselves in each other’s blow holes.

Ew.

But that was actually fact checked by a TikToker.

Who said, Tik Tok is my source, but this TikToker said he did a deep dive, and while he could find video evidence of the eels and the fish, no video evidence of this blow hole.

Well, I feel like it would be kind of like, it’s like cutting off the way they’re breathed, right?

I mean, but yeah.

They have a prehensile penis, like I said, meaning it can swivel, grab and grope, much like a human hand.

It helps them navigate the complex, labyrinth-like reproductive tracts of female dolphins.

So females have these like corkscrew-like vaginas, apparently.

They think that this was a way of them adapting, being like, all these men are just going to assault me, and I want to have a say in who my baby daddy is.

Do they use it to grab onto the penis?

Well, so it’s sort of got multiple functions.

They think that it, because there’s no arms or legs or anything, they’re like swimming and trying to procreate, or trying to mate, right?

That like having this corkscrew and this prehensile penis kind of helps them stay attached.

But they also think it might allow females to be able to avoid mating with a particular male.

So she can reposition herself during copulation and steer the sperm into a dead space.

There’s like folds.

And so if she’s like, I don’t want the sperm to get my egg.

So anyway, they think it’s some way of females having control over who gets to like sire their offspring.

Oh, okay, okay.

So I just wanted to tell you that when you talked about dolphins, trying to swim and also copulate, it was the first time that I really…

Ever had that thought?

Yeah, I’m like, I’ve never thought about…

So there’s videos are generally belly to belly.

Interesting.

That’s the dolphin on dolphin.

Let’s briefly talk some dolphin on human, and then I’ll give you a little history.

All right.

So dolphins have been known to assault humans like I said.

And there are a lot of videos I did watch online.

Of like…

Well, I have to say, it is Colleen missing this is probably best, but she would have been so innocent.

I was so upset that Colleen had to schedule her trip to the Bermuda Triangle.

The same week we were scheduled to record dolphins, because I was like, this will be so up her alley, but you’re probably right.

We would just like, we could not stay on track.

We would not have been able to stay on track.

No, but there are so many videos, I did watch these of like divers getting assaulted.

There’s one guy who talks about how he could feel the prehensile penis wrapping around his leg and pulling him down.

Mostly, there’s some videos of females, like, again, there’s just a lot of videos where you can see that these dolphins try to get frisky and they’re trying to get away.

And can you imagine, again, trying to get away from these massive sea creatures.

And then if you tick them off, they just start ramming you and pushing you deeper and deeper and deeper.

They think dolphins know that humans can’t like breathe underwater.

And I mean, that’s like worse fear, right?

Just like someone forcing you down to dark depths of water, you can’t breathe and they’re just ramming you.

So there are videos of this happening online.

I think what’s scarier about the animals trying to copulate with us is that they know.

The intelligence is scary.

It’s premeditated attacks.

Yeah, they have a plan.

And they’re executing that plan.

Yeah.

I don’t like this, Megan.

I want to be a dolphin girl.

I want to be Kait from the 90s with her Lisa Frank folders and her dolphins, okay?

I don’t want to know about this.

I’m sorry.

This is opening a brand new world of information, and I don’t like it.

Well, let me give you a couple of the recent, a couple of the reports I found.

So in Japan, there was an article in August, 2023, Japan Today, and it says that off the Pacific coast, there were six people injured in a series of dolphin attacks in the year prior.

And that in a separate beach town, there had been seven dolphin attacks.

Oh my goodness.

In one case, a man in his 60s suffered broken ribs when a dolphin rammed into him, and the Coast Guard urged swimmers to immediately get out of the water if you see any dolphins.

There was this dolphin named Tau off the coast of Brazil, and everyone said he was really friendly to female swimmers.

There was this man, Joao, and apparently this dolphin attacked him and killed him.

To be fair, witnesses said that Joao was intoxicated and might have been trying to force a cigarette into the dolphin’s blowhole, so he sounds like a real dick.

Deserves to die.

But they’re saying…

Shoves a cigarette in a dolphin’s blowhole deserves to die.

But this dolphin, they think, is responsible for hospitalizing 28 other people by attacking them, almost exclusively male swimmers.

He hates the men.

So they think that maybe he was territorial.

Before we go swimming with their dolphins.

Yeah, we’re not swimming with the dolphins over here.

I do have a question.

Do male dolphins hate on other male dolphins?

Like, is there like a hierarchy?

Well, it seems like they, instead of being like my takeaway…

Did you know that gorilla testicles are super tiny?

Because there’s not a lot of competition.

Like, there’s more female in the pack, tribe, whatever they are.

And like, they don’t have…

Like, the females want to have sex with them.

But chimpanzee testicles are huge because they are constantly competing for the female attention.

So you got to impress them.

Yeah, and they’re trying to get it in as much as they can.

Interesting.

Yeah, so gorillas have small testicles.

Thank you for that fun fact.

I listened to a podcast about it.

I was like, whoa.

Whoa.

Yeah, I mean, what it sounds like for my research is that even though they’re killing offspring, you would think that it would be like, yeah, competition for the females and I’m gonna off these other men, like FLDS style.

Yeah.

It sounds like they kind of just cooperatively work together to try to gangbang them.

Yeah.

We need to march for that.

What?

Female dolphin rights?

Female dolphin rights.

No oppression for the dolphins.

Let’s talk about some oppressed people.

Yeah.

Some oppressed groups.

Yeah.

Dolphin, females.

Yeah.

I wanna take a brief break.

Don’t worry, it’s going to get back to the sexual desires of the dolphin.

But we’re gonna take a brief break to give you a little history lesson.

Oh, I love a history lesson.

I think you’ll like this history lesson.

Let me tell you about John Lilly.

Have you heard of him?

No, I haven’t.

He was a physician, neuroscientist, psychoanalyst, philosopher, writer and inventor.

He first entered the public eye in the 1950s when he developed, wait for it, Kait, you’re gonna like this.

The isolation tank.

Does this sound familiar?

He served as a physician in World War II, and then in 1954, while employed by the Public Health Service Commission to Officer Corps, he began investigating how sensory deprivation could impact consciousness.

He created a dark, soundproof tank, filled it with warm salt water, and then blocked out all sound and light.

Oh, this is 13th’s tank.

Mm-hmm.

Initially, so he started, he would like get in there and he would like meditate, and then he was like, I’m gonna take some LSD.

Yeah, this guy was into all the LSD.

All the psychics.

And he hung out with all the other LSD guys.

So then he’d get in it and take LSD and just, yeah.

So during that first experience with LSD in the tank, I quickly found that it was very easy to leave the body and go into new spaces.

The lack of distracting stimuli allowed me to program any sort of a trip that I could conceive of.

This freedom from the external reality was taken as a very positive point, not a negative one.

One could go anywhere that one could imagine one could go.

I traveled through my brain, watching the neurons and their activities.

But didn’t you say that sometimes people never get off the trip?

No, so like it will, I don’t know where it’s stored, but it’s kind of like a, you know, how a virus like zoster will be stored.

We’re going to talk about zoster in this episode.

Oh, really?

But like if you like crack your back a certain way, like people can like trip again.

Yeah.

Can you just imagine being like, okay, you were like in your 20s, in the 70s, you do LLSD, now you’re like 50, 60, not now, but like then decades go by, you’re like a successful human being with like responsibility.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden you just like, bam, trip?

Yeah.

Wild.

That’s how John Lilley got his start.

John Lilley was fascinated by dolphins and discovered that they had a 30% larger brain than humans, and he wondered if they were as intelligent as humans.

Apparently brain to body ratio was also a measure of intelligence, and he discovered that dolphins were second only to humans in the brain to body ratio.

So in the 1950s, he felt like a dolphin he was studying was attempting to talk to him.

He wrote the book, Man and Dolphin, in which he talked about the possibility that dolphins could one day be our peers and interact with us.

No.

He envisioned dolphins being trained in deep sea rescue and ocean floor cartographers.

I think he made some comment like, can you imagine a dolphin sitting like a NATO with us?

No, I can’t.

Because you know why?

They can’t come out of the water that quick, that much.

Wait, what if they evolve back to land?

That’s scary.

No, they like the water.

I feel like…

Well, he saw dolphins as a dry run for interspecies communication with extraterrestrials.

Lilly’s reasons included that if humans could not grasp interspecies communication on earth, how would we ever talk to aliens?

So he’s saying that in order to commune with aliens, we need to take a little trip with ACID, get into the isolation tank.

Sorry with ACID, but ACID is coming.

So the isolation tank is like two decades before, a decade or two before this.

That’s just how we got to start.

That’s when he rose to fame, the isolation tank, he’s doing LSD experiments.

Meanwhile, he’s also like, he’s a dolphin boy, and he’s into dolphins.

Dolphin bro.

And he’s like…

He’s like bro.

He said he was like talking to another scientist, and then he felt like this dolphin that they were watching was like trying to talk back to them.

He may have been on LSD at that point, I don’t know.

And so that’s when he was like, wait a minute, could we communicate with dolphins?

And then he said, if our goal is to some point, talk to aliens, like we’re gonna have it at some point, we have to master interspecies communication.

We need to master it with the dolphins.

So dolphins could be our dry run.

Not dogs.

He writes this book, and one of the people who reads his book where he’s talking about this is Dr.

Frank Drake.

Not to be confused with Dr.

Dre.

No.

Dr.

Drake.

Dr.

Frank Drake.

Drake.

Sounds like a soap star.

Yeah, it does.

So he reads Dr.

Lilly’s book, and he’s like, He’s like, yes.

Wait, if we could talk to dolphins, maybe we could talk to aliens.

He’s like on an alien hunt.

Right, okay.

So he gets NASA to invest In the dolphins.

In the dolphins.

To support this project that for Dr.

Lilly, NASA funds them building a secret lab in St.

Thomas.

And it was initially like an office space that was kind of on risers, and then there was an outdoor pool, and so they said they’d put dolphins in this pool, and then whenever the tide would come in, it would just fill the pool with ocean water.

So that was the initial plan, and they’re researching them.

At the same time, Margaret Howe Lovett, a 22-year-old who was working in a hotel in St.

Thomas, she was a dolphin girl.

Oh, okay.

And she’d been hearing rumors about this lab, so she just like no notice, she like shows up at the lab one day, and she’s like, can I study these dolphins?

So initially, she was kind of hanging out, and then they hired her to try to teach these dolphins to speak English.

Is this the girl that lived in the apartment with the dolphins?

Yeah, it’s where it’s going.

We know that dolphins don’t have vocal cords.

They don’t have vocal cords?

Dolphins do not possess vocal cords.

They speak with whistles, squeaks, and trills.

They click, right?

So she worked with Peter, a young male dolphin.

And he seemed to imitate her voice in intonations, but he did not develop language.

So then Margaret was like, you know, it’s really hard because I come here during the day and then I leave and we just like lose all of our progress.

So can I move in?

Let’s build me an apartment.

I’m going to live with Peter for six months.

They think that’s a great idea.

So they build her an apartment.

It has like a desk that hangs from the ceiling.

It has a bed on a platform.

It’s like waist deep water.

So Peter can just swim around and she’s living with him.

It’s not weird at all.

Not weird at all.

No.

For sure.

How did she bathe and or use the bathroom?

There was, she probably got to exit this little…

Do you think she peed in the water?

Oh, got it.

Oh God.

That would be…

Do you think…

And then she just lived in it?

Well.

So NASA did come and like check on things and they were not happy.

Oh.

With what was happening.

Oh.

Little inappropriate.

Yeah.

And they tried to be, they tried to kind of like change his, the goal.

Because she falls in love with this dolphin, right?

The dolphin falls in love with her.

Oh, but it’s not reciprocated.

There’s a different, there’s a different man who falls in love with the dolphin.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, that was right.

Anyway, NASA’s kind of pissed about the lack of progress, but Margaret persevered.

But she said the problem was he like just couldn’t focus.

He was like a horny little adolescent dolphin.

Yeah.

And so she’d be trying to teach him and he would just start rubbing against her trying to pleasure himself.

And she said that at first, whenever he got frisky, they would lift him into this tank with some female dolphins and let him hang with them for a while, but that they were just losing too much research time with the whole process of moving him back and forth from the tanks.

And so then she decided she would just take care of things herself.

No.

And then that way they could focus on the studies.

How did she take care of things herself?

Just a hand.

No, she didn’t.

She did.

And she talks very openly about this.

That is absolutely, that is the most embarrassing thing to cop to.

Let me tell you a little bit about the man who’s telling his story about his relationship with, and I’m like, I cannot believe anybody A, would do this, and then B, would like tell the world they did it.

No, exactly.

Like you should be ashamed by it.

This is like when I’m like, guys, things should be kept secret for a reason.

Yeah.

We don’t have to share everything.

No.

So Lily, again, we know he’s a hippie, he’s an LSD.

So he was like, again, I got NASA on my back.

Maybe if we give Peter LSD, then this will expand his conscience and he’ll do better with the language.

He would dose himself and Peter, but Peter never showed evidence of LSD effects.

He would dose himself and Peter.

Yeah, because of course they both need to, I mean, he was just on LSD all the time.

Yeah, okay.

So then how do you know that it’s true that Peter never saw the effects?

Because he was on a trip of his own.

Oh, I just assumed there were other researchers.

Oh yeah, I guess.

But I don’t know.

Regardless, researchers were like, this got out of hand.

We’re done with you, John Lilly.

So this project gets shut down.

Peter.

Just a bunch of freaks.

Is separated from Margaret.

Yeah.

And he’s so heartbroken, he kills himself.

Because here’s the thing, dolphins, here’s how dolphins commit suicide.

They just go down to the bottom of the ocean and they can choose not to breathe.

What?

And so he went down to the bottom of his tank and just refused to surface and take a breath and died of a broken heart.

That’s so sad.

Oh, no, but dolphins don’t mate for life.

Probably not if they’re just doing it.

Gang banging.

Yeah, but this guy wanted to mate for life.

He loved you like her.

He was like, I love Margaret.

Yeah, and then apparently Margaret went on, I was reading recently, Margaret went on to marry a man.

Okay.

And John Lilly let her move back into this apartment.

She lived with her husband and her children for many years in St.

Thomas in the same water apartment.

Oh, yeah.

Water world.

But she were talking about humans falling in love with dolphins.

So she just went back to the place where it all started.

Yeah.

With Peter.

Yeah.

So her argument here is that he was just, again, a horny dolphin, and she wanted him to focus to do these studies.

Yeah.

We got a man who came out and wrote a book about his love affair with a dolphin.

Okay.

Beastiality.

In the 1970s, this guy, Brenner, he was a college sophomore.

He was in school in Florida, and he was a photographer.

He was taking, he went to this theme park, Florida land, which no longer exists, and they let him take photos.

He was going to make a book about this dolphin show.

So they let him hang out for hours and swam with the dolphins.

And he fell in love with a dolphin named Dolly.

He said, She would rub her genital slit against me, and if I tried to push her away, she would get very angry with me.

One time when she wanted to masturbate on my foot, and I wouldn’t let her, she threw herself on top of me and pushed me down to the 12 foot bottom of the pool.

At first, I discouraged her, I wasn’t interested.

After some time, I thought, if this was a woman, would I come up with these rationalizations and excuses?

Then he says that Dolly became more aggressive.

I found that extraordinarily erotic.

It’s like being with a tiger or a bear.

This is an animal that could kill you in two seconds if it wanted to.

Eventually, they had sex.

He says he was vertical, she was horizontal.

I just thought in case you, I just figured you might be wondering.

Yeah, no, well, now I’m looking.

And then he says, after we made love, the dolphin put her snout on my shoulder, embraced me with her flippers, and we stared into each other’s eyes.

Was this man also on acid?

No, this affair goes on for nine months.

No.

And then they closed down the park, and so Dolly got moved to Mississippi, where she also submerged and not come up for air and died.

He wrote a book about this called Wet Goddess.

Ew, no, no, not that name.

And apparently he’s been married twice.

Nothing ever.

There’s someone for everyone.

And he came out with this book because Bestiality was not outlawed in Florida until 2011.

So he could talk about this.

He says he also at one point had an affair with a dog.

So, let’s go back to Lily though, because again, he got shut down now, so we’re not going to fund this.

So decades after new technologies emerged, like the Cotation Hearing and Telemetry Device, today people are still building on Lily’s research.

We’ve got the SETI Institute.

This is a nonprofit research organization located in the Silicon Valley close to the NASA Research Center.

And their mission is to lead humanity’s quest to understand the origins and prevalence of life and intelligence in the universe and share that knowledge with the world.

There are over 100 scientists who work for SETI, and one of them, Lawrence Doyle, focuses on extrasolar planets and communication.

He applies a statistical analysis technique.

I read all these articles about this.

It was way too complicated for me, but pretty much what I gathered is that he uses statistics to research language to determine how complex language is.

And he does things by looking at, for example, A is probably one of the more commonly used words in our language, right?

He looks at frequency that words are used and somehow he determines complexity.

And so he said that based on this dolphin communication is highly complex with many similarities with human language.

So even if we don’t understand the words they’re saying to one another, they think our language is similar.

He thinks that they understand like time.

Oh, yeah.

Like dogs don’t understand time.

Right.

Or they don’t like when they talk to like monkeys, monkeys seem to understand time.

But if you say like, this time tomorrow, I will have eaten that banana.

And like the fact that you’re talking about like future and then past, like they can’t comprehend that.

And he thinks they understand intonation, like when you’re asking a question.

Inflection of your voice and stuff like that.

Apparently dolphins understand that.

I feel like dogs understand that.

Murph, you want to go for a ride in a car?

And then there’s this Denise Herzig was spending summers with a pod in the Bahamas for decades, and she was working with other scientists to create this Cotation Hearing and Telemetry Device.

It sounds like kind of an underwater speaker with headphones that a diver would wear, and the premise was, again, we now know dolphins lack vocal cords, so they can’t really replicate human language, like maybe a parrot could.

And we know they communicate with whistles, so I think what they’re trying to do is take out, instead of us trying to teach them English or us trying to figure out what they’re saying, let’s create a third language, is my understanding.

We’re both trying to communicate through a different language that neither one of us speaks.

Right.

And so they use this program.

That makes sense.

Right.

You have to teach the dolphin a new language, too.

Right.

So we’re teaching them how to communicate with whistles and sounds that they can make.

So we’re like, this is an apple.

Science.

That was kind of the end of my story.

Just the fact that these studies are still going on, they’re still working on trying, it’s been over half a century and they’re still trying to speak to the dolphins.

But they claim they’re getting closer, they have a different technique.

We’re no longer dosing them.

I disagree.

It doesn’t sound like they’re getting any closer.

They’re just trying different techniques.

Now, remember how I said previously that Lillian envisioned utilizing dolphins for warfare.

In 1960, the Navy’s Marine Mammal Program began.

Allegedly, its primary goal was research, but they also train dolphins, whales and sea lions to deliver equipment underwater, locate, retrieve objects, guard boats and subs, and do underwater surveillance.

They were used like this during Vietnam, and though mostly classified, the project peaked during the Cold War.

In the 80s, during the Gulf War, the Navy sent six dolphins to the Persian Gulf, where they patrolled the harbor in Bahrain to protect US flagships from enemy swimmers and mines and escorted Kuwaiti oil tankers through potentially dangerous waters.

Okay, like guard dogs.

Yeah, for decades.

Well, that’s best case scenario is guard dogs, because there’s kind of some…

Questionable?

Some other sketches.

Wait, question, are they flipping sides?

How do we know they’re loyal?

Oh!

They could be spies.

Yeah, are they spies?

Oh, man, Kait.

Yeah, how do we know?

We don’t know.

Yeah.

We can’t communicate with them.

No.

We can’t be like, this guy bad.

And they’re like, oh, this is our friend.

Yeah.

What if they’ve got a hot girl on the other side?

And they’re like…

We know they’re easily persuaded.

Yeah.

You could probably flip sides like that.

So quickly.

Flip sides like that.

Flipity flip.

So one of these dolphins, Skippy, died of a bacterial infection, and so it kind of brought people, animal rights people out, and they were angry.

Okay, PETA.

PETA.

PETA was bad.

In the late 80s, they were lawsuits against the government alleging that they were harming the dolphins by capturing and relocating them.

A judge ruled they needed to do more research before continuing their project.

All of a sudden, the government’s like, we’re gonna declassify some of the projects we were doing, but not all of them.

Right, no.

A lot of classified projects.

And we’re going to kind of deescalate the programs.

Like, don’t worry, we hear you.

We’re not gonna do things anymore.

Yeah, definitely not.

Likely story.

For sure, everything’s still new.

Everything’s fine, guys.

Here’s what we now know.

The Soviet Navy also had a dolphin program where they wore weaponized harnesses and attacked human enemies.

Then, last year, satellite images revealed the Russian Navy used dolphins to defend a naval base on the Black Sea during the invasion of Ukraine.

Whoa.

While we don’t have all the details, we do know that this has been a decades-long program because it started before Russia was Russia.

Wild.

They’re like, I am, that’s bananas.

That’s bananas.

You know, the Soviets have all this dolphin program going on.

Obviously, the Russians still have dolphins, but when the USSR fell, they had to get rid of some of these dolphins.

So guess who they sold them to?

America?

Iran.

What for?

I don’t know.

There have also been allegations of Israel.

Now, this is sort of a conspiracy theory.

I don’t think there’s any evidence for this.

But there are allegations that Israel weaponized dolphins with speargun harnesses.

What?

All right, so that’s kind of all I have.

Oh, I did a fun fact I also learned today, is that they have discovered that dolphins have STDs.

I am not surprised.

They have…

Gunnery?

Genital herpes.

Oh, where’d they get it from?

That’s what I want to know.

Yeah, who was patient zero?

That’s what I want to know.

Did they give it to humans?

Oh my God.

Like, how do we know humans are the ones that started it?

Either way, it’s like, how are you getting cross-species contamination?

But this is supposed to be a good thing, because this means that they’re currently studying the dolphins in order to try to find a cure for herpes in humans.

Oh, right.

Yeah, right.

Let’s study the animals.

Yeah, because apparently there’s a lot of animals.

I think there’s also, it’s like monkeys get syphilis, although we know how to treat syphilis.

Yeah, I feel like monkeys would get herpes too.

So my big takeaway at the end of this is that most of the stories that I told you about dolphins weren’t true.

I have not been able to validate, but I maintain they are very sexually motivated animals that are very violent, and I still don’t ever wanna swim with them, and I still don’t think anyone should be swimming with them, and I will still run from them if I see them in the water.

Like I said earlier, I think that if they’re really as intelligent as humans as they’re claiming, then maybe they’re just good guys and bad guys, like humans, you know?

But then if that’s the case-

But if that’s the case, then we can’t say, you can’t have it both ways.

You can’t say that they’re not a higher level thinkers, and therefore can’t be blamed for gang raping and attacking humans.

But then also be like, well, they’re like humans.

We have good guys and bad guys.

You can’t have it both ways.

No.

They can be held accountable for their crimes.

How are we gonna do that?

Send them to SeaWorld if they’re violent?

Yes, send them to SeaWorld.

Or send them to the ocean floor.

Put them down.

In a cave.

Peanuts coming for us.

Yeah, those poor women.

Justice for the female.

And then I wonder if it’s really like, like what is their, what is their breakdown, male to female ratios?

Yeah, I do wonder that too.

Like, are they, do the males only kill female offspring?

What do you think?

Are you still a dolphin girl?

I think, would you let Joey swim with the dolphins?

No, I would not let Joey swim with the dolphins.

I would maybe let her, like, hang over the side and pet them, you know, with a trainer there.

But, no.

I also think it’s very weird that this woman and man just had relations with a dolphin.

That’s very weird.

That should not be normalized.

No.

Draw the line.

But I do think it’s interesting that dolphins have brains like humans.

And I do think that there is like, it’s scary that like, that intelligent.

They could just be down there, conspiring.

Yeah, maybe they’re conspiring with the aliens.

The USOs.

Yeah.

Maybe they’re the aliens.

I think more likely the octopi are the aliens, but.

The octopi are definitely.

There’s not enough time in this season to talk about octopi, so that’ll have to be.

But we will.

Season two.

Yeah.

The octopi, I’m telling you guys.

No, I mean, I believe it.

And I saw some creepy videos of the octopi.

Yeah.

They can pretty much slide underneath your door.

You’ve seen them go into small spaces because they have no bones.

Yes.

And don’t they have like eight brains or something?

I don’t know how many brains they have.

So do you have any last thoughts?

No thoughts, except for fear.

Fear.

New Fear Unlocked.

Nine brains.

Nine?

More brains than legs.

They have a central brain between their eyes and a brain in each arm.

So, come me next season.

Oh my gosh.

All right, Kait, what should the people do?

Oh yeah, all right.

Scroll on down, leave us a five-star review, leave us a comment, send us an email, share us with your friends, share us with your family, share us with that annoying coworker that you’re sort of like, is your frenemy, you know?

All right, well, thanks for joining us, guys.

We’ll be back next week with our third Scheme Queen.

Yeah.

We’ll hear what she found with the Bermuda Triangle.

Yes, I hope, if she makes it back alive, send good vibes, guys.

And we’re gonna actually be talking Bermuda Triangle, so she’ll tell us what she saw.

Oh man, I can’t wait.

All right, all right.

See you next week.

See you next Tuesday.